Monday, 25 February 2013

The Academy of Haut Couture - 2013

Since I moved out of home, I've not been able to watch the Oscars. I remember a time when I was still living with Schmommy and Faazha and I stayed up (or is it woke up?) to watch the real deal and how long and drawn out the event was with all these random awards happening before the ones I was really interested in happened. 

We've since moved on and now I simply watch the red carpet, that's the most fun anyway since the peeps you want to win never do anyhow, I know @markstry was explicitly upset this morning over Argo's win of Best Picture. Having fallen asleep after 15 minutes into the film I can't really comment but I'm pretty sure it couldn't have been even remotely close to the feelings I felt after watching Beasts of the Southern Wild. Although I'm very proud of Hollywood's latest darling Jennifer Lawrence walking away with Best Actress, I can't help but feel cheated that little Hushpuppy didn't get it - she is only nine and truly took my breath away. 

Quvenzhané Wallis "Hushpuppy"

But back to the lecture at hand, here are my favourite picks of the Oscar's red carpet and for this post, I'm not holding back on the comments on those who failed to impress.

I felt that this time I cannot choose my top favourite because there were sooooo many that got me short of breath I must to start with George Clooney's much-more-impressive-than-him date Stacy Keibler. Ohmgee. This high neck, embellished Naeem Khan number with a sheer back, it just ticks so many boxes and adds more boxes that should have been on the list in the first place. And her hair and make up is exquisite. Me likey. Me likey a whole damn lot. Amazeballs Stacy, #amazeballs. Okay, she's my favourite.


And because I liked dear Stacy's dress SO very much, let's hop onto a much less fortunate number, Anne Hathaway who seems determined to leave nothing to the imagination with her nipples protruding like torpedos out of this bland Prada number. Yuck. And what the hell is going on with the back of this dress? This girl has such an awesome (albeit frighteningly pale) figure yet this dress manages to cut into all the wrong places. Yuck. And the pathetic make up that doesn't even bother to conceal the bags under her eyes? Epic fail.

Shall I point you in the direction of my torpedos?

Moving on from disasters, look at the incredibly sexy Salma Hayek in this beautiful skin tight velvet Versace. She looks absolutely ravishing, I don't recall a time when she didn't look sexy (gosh that voluptous frame of hers has me reeling with jealousy) but she is truly at another level in this one. The magnificent high neck embellishment finishes off the dress superbly. Perfectly sculpted and then topped off with a little nude lip. Wow Salma, wow. Knockout numero uno.

Haut Couture was a hot topic on the red carpet this year with our dear Charlize Theron rocking a snow white Dior dress with peplum detail. I'm rather envious of that pixie haircut she's sporting, what a stunning woman - not everyone can pull of that many different hairstyles and especially that one. Unadulterated beauty.

And another Haut Couture to debut was that of Best Actress Jennifer Lawrence who looked positively fairy-tale-dream-like in that soft pink Dior ballgown. She adorned a Chopard neckpiece that added an eloquent simplicity to complete the outfit. LOVE LOVE LOVE. She may only be 22 but already she's miles ahead of Hathaway. Thanks Style Guide CT for the term Hathahater, I definitely am feeling those vibes. Sorry Anne, but please invest energy into a stylist.

Whist I liked Kerry Washington's Miu Miu dress, the similarity it tried to keep up with Olivia Munn's Marchesa just didn't cut it. Especially when I saw how sensational the dress was from the back. Well well, done deal Olivia, done deal. The intricate detail of the corset and the gathering of the skirt, it's perfection. The dress is to par with that of my dear Stacy's.


And then because I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed by the all the beautiful dresses (and women) let's get back down to earth and look at some rather unfavourable dress choices. Like that of Naomi Watts in this glittery Armani Privé, does she really want to remind us how she shows tits in every film? This dress makes me think of how her son saw her one breast in the film The Impossible. In fact, everybody did so can you put the breasts away now? Ugh.

I could be Reese Witherspoon's biggest fan, after all she married Ryan Phillipe when he was delish-is and left him as he became unsavoury, but this Louis Vuitton is rather boring. Whilst cobalt blue is shit hot, next to the magnificence that is Salma's navy number it is just dreary. And I love Louis Vuitton with all of my heart as we all know #sadface.

I love Amanda Seyfried in this Alexander McQueen dress but I do have reservations about her pose. Your arms are skinny, please can your hands leave your hips? I seem to notice a trend of her high neck/turtle neck detail she is currently enjoying with her hair pinned up. Kudos Amanda, so long as you keep your arms down.

Gawd, wtf is Amy Adams wearing? It's like that sordid Enchanted movie. Vomit. It may be Oscar de la Renta but the colour does nothing for her pale complexion, her hair is as bad as the skirt, her make up non-existent and the corset is ill-fitting. Shamesies.

I really love Kristin Chenoweth in this Tony Ward dress, so elegant yet so sparkly and the nude lip pulls it all together in one foul swoop. Lately I'm loving the multiple layers of mesh skirt, in fact some of local designers are making my heart sing with this look, like this Black Coffee skirt featured in Grazia.


I have to give a special mention to the extraordinary Jane Fonda, who looks amazeballs in this canary yellow Versace. For me, definitely the most eye-catching on the red carpet. This remarkable woman is one of those unforgettable legends, literally. Big ups Jane, not everyone can carry that colour and certainly not as well as you!

Oh the thinks you can think, there's always plenty more to mention but I think it's time to wrap things up. If you impressed you were on the list and if you particularily horrified me you were as well, but I have to make a drooling mention to Eddie Redmayne. I mean other than his skull detail slippers, he is that delish-is Burberry model that I can't stop staring at in Hyde Park. Yes. I stare at posters. Sigh. So sexy.

But as I started with the best dressed, I'd like to finish with the best dressed, and that would have to be Mr Daniel Day Lewis who looked dashing in a blue Domenico Vacca. Third time lucky, the man finally cleans up good and even manages to make his wife look like a wall flower. I would smile as cheesily as Rebecca if I had such well-dressed arm candy on my arm too - hubba hubba.

Disaster 1: Hoop earrings? Seriously?

Disaster 2: That hair. I can't. I just can't.

Finally a look we can all appreciate.

Pronounciation Index:
Shamesies - "Shame-Zees"


Friday, 22 February 2013

Challenge Accepted V2.0

So @markstry went on a boys night and I made plans to see my Faazha for dinner for some father-daughter bonding. Between waiting for him, something possessed me to rearrange my wardrobe. While I wouldn't say I have OCD, I find myself having bouts of it every now and then. This was one of those times. Okay, so dresses can go on this side, then we'll work through to tops, sleeveless, little sleeves, long sleeves, skirts, pants and what do you know I've run out of space for jackets. Sigh.

I am an addict, of this we know, or at least have a tiny inkling. Since beginning work on January 18th I have not worn the same outfit twice. And there have been some very, very hot days. Being a freelancer I always pose myself the challenge of wearing a different outfit every day but those are usually three week stints. It has been quite some time now at the same workplace that every day my colleagues have begun audibly noticing that they haven't seen me wear the same thing twice. I do take some pride in that, although it is becoming increasingly difficult to mask my addiction to clothes with that kind of notice...

I digress. My finances are not allowing me to sustain my addiction, which I suppose could be a good thing as I am already out of cupboard space (thank gawd for the spare bedroom) and really shouldn't be spending what little money I do have on more clothing. So whilst rummaging through my wardrobe I got to thinking of a new and exciting challenge for myself. It's not enough to not buy any more clothes, I mean after 3 consecutive weeks of that kind of behavior it becomes like second nature to not have the urge to splurge. Instead, this time I've chosen items that currently reside in my magical wardrobe that are too wonderful to give away but also I have not worn in too long a while. The challenge is to wear these items in the upcoming month.

And then this is where you come in and help me...Assist me in the yay or nay form, is it a winner or is it time to say goodbye. I'm offering you,before the wonderful charity shops that will gladly take these goodies in, the chance to win the said item. Even if it looks great on (and we know I want to keep everything anyway) I am willing to be convinced through heart aching, magical stories as to why you should have said clothing.

And at the end of the month, who knows, perhaps I'll reward myself with a shopping spree at TopShop.

Gosh friends, oh the thinks you can think and the fun we will have at the next #WardrobeSale. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.


Tuesday, 12 February 2013

#Grammy2013: Mrs Carter and Ms Knowles steal the show

When it comes to the Grammys it would appear that there is no contest, Queen B is exactly as her name suggests - The Queen. Hitting us with her best shot, she looks absolutely DIVINE in this black and white Osman onesie. Her sleek ponytail is on point and the dramatic red lip and amazing geometric accessories make this one of my favourite looks on the Grammy red carpet.

However, after watching Solange's video that was shot in Cape Town a few months back, I can't help but see that lil' sis is running in the same stride. Whilst the afro may not be everyone's cup of tea (after all, some prefer tequila) it does allow for Solange to show off her own unique style and make me take notice. With a fabulous green Ralph & Russo Couture frock, she rocks those tangerine Christian Louboutins and my heart flutters. Wow, wow, wow Solange, I'll tell you the truth you're not losing me anytime soon.

And then comes everybody's golden girl Taylor Swift in a most incredible J Mendel gown. Whilst @markstry may want to slap those bangs off her face (and I may share similar sentiments) I can't help but point out how absolutely magnificent that dress is. The detail in the back is my favourite part, showing off her slender and porcelain back - #amazeballs, me vant it.

And for once, much to my sheer surprise, Rihanna is mostly covered by a custom Alaia dress. 100 points RiRi, red is very much your colour. I'm not sure what happened to the hairstyle here though, it would appear to wish to magnify her forehead to a bizarre proportion to the rest of her. Or has RiRi become a lollipop head?

And having just attended (and filmed) the Chinese New Year celebration in Commissioner Street this past weekend, I can't help but notice Kat Denning's tribute to the year of the Water Snake. Whilst I love the darker red lip and the metallica, I still feel undecided about this Vivienne Westwood dress. Ms Denning is sporting a much slimmer figure but something is not sitting right with me. But then again, perhaps I'm just jealous of her buxom bosom.  



Friday, 8 February 2013

#LOVELOVELOVE Kanye Motherf**kin' West

Let me begin by saying that Kanye West is the illest man on the planet and that my mind is blown. The man is an artist and what an absolute fortune (ha!) it was to have witnessed his art live, in the flesh. And diamonds. But more on that later. Oh, and prepare yourself for a rather long read....

It was completely baffling that the live event organizers in South Africa would put Red Hot Chili Peppers the same night as the incredible Mr West but the choice was simple. For @markstry's birthday I wanted to surprise him with tickets to see his favourite artist in the whole wide world. Unfortunately that went out the window when the tickets were released and I had to double check which he would rather see having had friends already purchase RHCP tickets for us.

I had several alarms set for 09:00 so that I could make sure I was on time to buy the golden tickets. And gold they were worth, a whopping R1000 each for golden circle. But it was his birthday and golden circle is really the only way to watch a concert. Also, by comparison his shows in New York go for $92 so it's all pretty relative. Impressively, if I may say so myself, I was quick on the draw and snatched two tickets before the half hour was up and the concert was sold out. Too proud of myself I was and I wondered where the surprise venue would be "The Biggest Igloo" was all that was mentioned on the tickets. And it was an #AllWhite dress code.

Cringe. I never wear white for the fear of making appear more ballooned than my physical appearance. Having been to Marie Clare's AllWhite party last year I thought it may be best to have some options prepared for further events that called for this hideous dress code. I say hideous because you can only imagine what some people consider an AllWhite outfit - gosh friends, please don't mix cream with white. It's just nasty and should never be worn in public. Hmmmm, I think my Kulula rage is still on my musings.

I found a beautiful Alfred Khumalo cotton shift dress that was a possible option. Cotton is the way forward when the heat is so unbearable, it doesn't cling and smell funny when one perspires. Next I found the strapless cotton top that I wore to parkacoustics as well as another more loose fitting sheer back top from Cotton On. Watch out for those Cotton On sales, the amazing finds you can get for R40, well that's enough to convince you right?

But nothing prepared me for the magnificent dress that I found to wear on the day of the concert. A figure hugging, cutaway number hiding at the newer offering in Sandton, TopShop. Kaching! It was the one. And channelling KimK (I allowed it on the account of Mr West, although I may be in serial denial of my appreciation of Miss K) I slicked my hair back into a high bun, leopard print drop earrings and a red lip I was just about ready. 

Shoes are such a difficult part to pair with an outfit as glamorous as this dress especially when the need to be practical has to outweigh the fabulousness. Even at Lady Gaga, I cheated with the heel-less wedges by sneakily stashing a pair of pumps in my handbag. And goodness,that was absolutely necessary. So I opted for my rosé gold thong sandals which turned to be as poor a choice as any heels. The flatness of the sandals caused my feet to ache before Yeezy had even begun. We live and we learn.

I accessorised with silver earrings, ring and watch. I have a silver Casio, when I purchased the gold one I couldn't resist the silver too because as we know I need a choice. More often than not I wear gold but for those outfits that silver goes better I wanted to have an equally retro watch. What's fantastic about it is that both are very different watches and each with their own special charm. The silver looks great with my complexion. 

I found this most amazing little sequined and beaded handbag. It's absolutely tiny and it was a mission to fit my essentials into it; lipstick, compact mirror, credit card, cash, chewing gum and car key but somehow I managed. It has the wonderful fringe detail which I love so much. As you'll get to learn, I have a minor obsession with anything with fringe.

But I'm sure you want to hear a little more about the main man Kanye. There was an incredible delay and there was a whole lot wrong with the organisation of the event but seeing how I've already written a small novel and I've had my rant for the week, I will focus on the amazingness that was Kanye West. Besides, anyone will tell you that I am completely obsessed and in love with what I witnessed. 

The entire stage had to be built after all the opening and supporting acts had finished but Kanye was totally worth the wait. As this incredible projection of Antartica enveloped the entire stage, an AllWhite Kanye appeared on the stage. And he just had to stand there and we were in absolute awe. 

And as he began to continuously amaze us I realized that my entire relationship with @markstry had Kanye West as its soundtrack. As he started the song that I have only ever heard in my own space with a magnificent mask that was part eagle, part dragon, snow fell and I could have sworn to you that the view became fuzzy like heels really in a blizzard. And then he launched into heartless. Oh. My. Gawd. 

I had read in an article last year that he had worn the 2 million dollar diamond mask for a show in Atlantic City but when he came out to perform Runaway wearing it I promise I shed a tear. It was beautiful. I can't decide which of the songs I liked best but this set was truly something special. For a hip hop artist to make a concert romantic takes impressive talent, especially when finishing with the line "Assholes deserve to be lonely." Chills people, chills.

Although my back was paining (let's not even remember how my feet felt) after dancing to hip hop for 6 straight hours, I didn't want it to end. And as it went dark and he left the stage, moments that felt like hours of staring hopefully at his slick titling, Kanye rocked out and ended it all with Gold Digger. Well friends, our weekend was the best cuz we rocked with the Best, Kanye Motherfuckin' West. 


Wednesday, 6 February 2013


I'm not one to bring anybody down, we all know that I would always rather commend than the contrary but holy shit balls, Kulula has me fuming. So many things have me fuming lately, and most people know me to be the happiest girl in the world. I usually have my rants on Twitter but 140 characters is just not enough to communicate my disdain. so TMC might just get a regular #DearAssholes post.

This is not the first time that I have paid through my nose for a Kulula flight only to have it delayed and leave me stranded at the airport with no compensation for my time lost, my transport from my final destination and my hungry tummy.

So when I arrived with 15 minutes to spare for boarding, I grabbed my usual soya milk cappuccino from vida and sipped casually, reading my kindle. See, I like to check in online so I'm guaranteed an aisle seat (I pee a lot...which could be my caffeine intake) and this saves me from running in heels to a check in counter with little hope that I make the check in time - yes I've made this mistake enough times, although it's only ever for those dreadful red eye flights. I'm the ultimate phaffer when I get up so early. Whilst that is not a lie, the truth is I can sleep through painfully loud alarms. Unbelievable but true.

Anyhow, I digress. At the designated time of boarding, we stood in an immense queue for half an hour without any explanation from anybody as to what was causing the delay. Eventually, a woman called out ever so casually "there is a broken tubing so they can't get it to attach to the airplane inaudible nonsense, inaudible nonsense inaudible nonsense." Gee thanks for that garbage of an explanation. Nek minnit (next minute) there is an announcement that our gate has been changed. Inaudible is the way at OR Tambo, so many irritable passengers made their way into the closest queue to CT, this unfortunately being a totally different airline. Then came the biggest cock up, the time displayed on the departures list reflected 18:45. Bearing in mind that our flight was meant to depart at 17:15 this was an hour and a half delay of which zero explanation had been offered.

Fuming, I tried to cool my head when contacting my hot date to let her know that my flight was delayed where she encouraged me to find the nearest glass of wine. That's why I love my dear Cara, always helping me in my panicked state. Oh, and did I mention that my battery was on its last leg and I don't eat after 7pm? #assholes.

So I located the nearest bar and ordered a glass of Pinotage and pulled out my computer so that I could at least use my time productively. Luckily I received my meal and drink in short procession because at 18:10 another inaudible announcement was made that now the flight was boarding. Like wtf, now it was a desperate scramble to get the waitress' attention, the bill and the bloody swipe machine alongside a million fellow passengers that had had the same idea as yours truly. I felt particularly sorry for the lady that had just received her gin and tonic.

Rush rush rush we went to join yet another queue where Kulula compensated its passengers with, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it - I mean for goodness sake I had to - a Ceres juicebox. An apple juice. Seriously? Bring me my Jameson's bitch. So from that queue to another queue on that tunnel/tubing before finally taking a seat on the aircraft. And as usual, the wonderful air staff not monitoring the luggage compartments, there was no space for my teensy (yes believe it) hand luggage in the compartment above my seat. This confuses me, I always sit in the front rows and there were only four people seated so far, and with the new limitations on hand luggage I just don't understand how all the compartments could have been filled already.

Finally having found space for my bag, I was seated. The captain then greeted those of us who had heard the announcement to explain the delay. His tone was lighthearted and he tried to be funny, but he was just that tiny bit too late. Not to mention that we didn't pay this much to hear some pathetic attempt at comedy. Explaining that the previous aircraft was broken and that we were still waiting for further passengers to board was just not going to cut it. He mentioned that we could use our phones so I took the opportunity to photograph him.

Eventually, everybody that was supposed to be on the plane was seated but oh it didn't stop there. Turned out we were number 5 in the queue to take off so let's add another 15 minute delay. Although the only person that seemed to share my disgruntlement was fellow 3A, the rest of the plane seemed in good spirits and a few applauded when the plane finally took off. Must be that some people don't have places to be at our destination.

Either way, I'm bitterly disappointed by Kulula. I am truly fearful for my return trip whereby I have a 12:45 flight and a 16:00 meeting following my landing. If this is anything to go by, I might be facing employment termination. Gawd, I miss 1time.

Okay I'm going to calm down and sip on my juicebox.